Looking Back and Forward

I did something that I'm not particularly proud of; I Facebook-stalked my first love. Don't judge me. When we broke up almost 10 years ago, we literally never spoke again. My life has changed so much since we were together, and I had a curious moment wondering what his life looks like now.

We were extremely close and I knew his family and friends well. Upon finding his Facebook page, I was amazed to see pictures of all the people I once loved. It was like being caught in the twilight zone. A lot has changed, but there is so much that is exactly the same. He looks happy--married, three kids--just what he always wanted. I imagined him as a husband, father, and businessman. I wondered if he outgrew some of his bad habits. I wondered about his wife. How did they meet? Is she a good woman? Does he treat her well? Is she like me, or completely different? Would she be the type of person I'd like to be my friend?

Then I began to wonder what he would think if he looked me up on Facebook. The thought prompted a frantic review of my profile pics to ensure they were ex-boyfriend approved--they are. If he were to look at my Facebook, would he see the same girl he knew 10 years ago or someone completely different? His life turned out pretty much how he'd always said it would. The path my life has taken is not what I planned at all. I wondered what he would think of the new Sarah. If we met today, would we have anything in common? Would he think I was successful, or think I was unfulfilled because I am unmarried and have no children?

I don't want you to think that I am pining away over lost love or what could have been. It is quite the opposite. We were two amazing people going in two completely separate directions. After trying to join our lives together, and falling madly in love in the process, it became evident that the two of us would never work out. The conflict of our different lives was too great. Ending my relationship with him was the hardest thing I had ever done, but I have never regretted it.

Now - 27 years old

Now, almost 10 years later I am looking back and still wholeheartedly believe I made the right decision. I am so happy I decided to take time to let myself grow up. Getting married early is wonderful, but for me it has been so beneficial to grow up by myself. I'm not saying God couldn't have done it another way, but being unmarried has allowed me to learn to be strong, discover who I am, develop my character, and explore the world around me.

I don't feel like I have missed anything in waiting. In fact, I feel quite the opposite. I feel like my single years have built a foundation for a beautiful life ahead. God has already fulfilled the secret dreams of my heart one by one, so I must say that my future looks bright.