Loving a Mess

I was such a mess!!!

Believe me, I am in no way perfect, but there was a time in my life where I felt like I had more problems than I had answers. I carried around a host of things that made loving me and being close to me unpleasant and even painful for others. I was full of pain, rejection, poor self-esteem, dysfunctions, father wounds, pride, immaturity, selfishness, addictions, hurt, lack of self-control, anger, unforgiveness, and ignorance just to name a few.

I was a difficult person to love and a bad friend. I was a coward and selfish. I loved and cared for others only as long as it benefitted me. I lashed out and hurt those who got in my way. I manipulated, tried to control, and took advantage of others for my own gain. I let people down when things got uncomfortable or inconvenient for me. I compromised rather than fighting for what was right. Through it all, I didn't like the person I saw when I looked in the mirror. I knew I had problems, but I didn't know what to do to change. I didn't even know where to start.

Do you want to know what saved me?

People.

People loved me through my mess. There were a few key people who chose to look beyond the whirlwind of a chaotic mess that I was. These people refused to let my lack of love effect their love for me. They cared. They were there. They set boundaries with me. They wouldn't stand for my manipulation. When I hurt them, they confronted me about my actions in love. They held me responsible. They kept me accountable. They were a safe place--to cry, to be weak, to be honest. They were a solid place--where I knew I'd get the truth and the Word of God. They were not easily moved.

These people changed my life. Walking, talking, and doing life with them helped me find healing, peace, understanding, strength, wholeness and the change I so desperately craved. I learned how to have healthy communication by communicating with someone who was healthy. I learned what it meant to be authentic by interacting with authentic people. I observed strengths and qualities that I didn't have, but wanted to develop. I began to love myself more. I treated others better. I was no longer a victim of the things that happened to me, I controlled my life and my destiny. My life was forever impacted by those people who chose to love me through my mess.

Each of us have our own mess. The great thing is, when we come together victories are shared. My strengths cover your weaknesses and vice versa. Our healing, wholeness, and strength comes from loving God, and then loving and being loved by others.

Each of us need someone to reach into the middle our mess and say 'I love you.' And each of us need to be the person who loves others through their mess. Don't be afraid. Love fiercly.

Happy Growing!

Sarah Dawn