2 Weeks to 30 - Introspection

I sit here on the eve of my two week countdown to my 30th birthday, when I should be asleep or at least thinking of being asleep.

My heart hurts. I miss my friends and family and the relationships I have built over my life. I don't feel I have the physical evidence of the depth of my life investments here in dreamy California. You see, two and a half years ago, I left everything I had worked my entire adult life to build and I chose to start over.

They say it takes 10,000 hours of practice - the equivalent of 10 years experience- to become an expert in anything. Prior to my move to California, I had invested 7 years of my life serving in ministry. I was by no means an expert, but I had depth of knowledge, skill, and comfort in that arena. Not to mention years of relationship and history with those there. I was secure in who I was - a leader, a pastor, a teacher, an administrator. I was familiar with the needs of the people I led and felt an ease loving, counseling, teaching and finding resources to meet those needs.

I left all of that history and depth and skill and started over in life as a novice. I am not running a ministry. I am not leading. I am not teaching. I am not in a safe christian environment. I am working in an industry I'd not been previously exposed to. I am having to hold my own with intellectuals who have been educated in their field nearly longer than I have been alive. I am out of my element, out of my comfort zone, and am having to grow in different areas of skill.

To be clear: I am thriving, but my success doesn't have the depth that I developed over my time in Maryland. Life right now is largely unknown, and that is not the cozy comfort I want to crawl up to tonight in my moments of reverie.

My life in Maryland is not all there is to me, but it is a huge part. I find myself wanting to honor the impact that time in ministry, my friends, and those I worked with had upon me. I am forever marked with their love. <3

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